The humourless ultrasoundist ultrasounded my ultrasoundable kidney and abdomen. She didn't look upset or anxious during the time she made me breathe oddly and squirm under the wand, as I felt the gel slurp on my stomach. After a while, I asked her if she'd found anything.
She looked at me and took a breath. She paused - and then said: "No."
Then she told me to wipe myself off with a huge tissue and get dressed. And left the examination room.
The ultrasound screen was still on, so I tried to see inside my throat, then inside my hand, then inside my chest, then inside my skull. I couldn't really make much out. Then I wiped myself off, as instructed.
Fine, stupid ultrasoundist. I don't want to know about my kidney stone. In fact, I hope your stupid ultrasound machine breaks - and catches on fire. That'll give you a reaction.
Wipe yourself, stupid ultrasoundist.
Phew. That feels better. But my kidney stone is still twinging.
"Cringing, Mungo felt the twinging".
That is all.